This week in Curvy Confessions, Elichia is asking about plus size self confidence. What a great questions! If you’re looking for advice shoot me an e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org or DM on Facebook. You can remain anonymous so just send me your question, problem and I’ll be happy to help! Here’s what she Elichia wrote:
I always thought being “fat” was a bad thing. I fought everyday, thinking that if I joked about it it would make the situation and my thoughts better.
I am 23, single and feeling very alone. I blamed my body for those feelings, saying that if I could just lose the weight I would be happy. Then I did, I lost 25lbs after quitting my unhealthy job…. but I wasn’t happy. I still hate myself. Even plus sized models don’t have the small boobs I have, for a big girl I’m sitting at a 40D / 38DD they don’t look purported to my body.
How do I work on this? How do I start to even feel better about myself because nothing is working that I have been trying.
To some people being fat is unhealthy. To others fat simply a body description. I know men who find fat sexy and others who think its ugly! Being fat and what people think about it is all perspective and the good news is YOU control what you think.
Firstly your boobs are not small. Many of us would love a lovely set of D or DDs (including me). I am also a plus size pear and life long member of the itty bitty titty committee. I say use what you’ve got and push your girls up! If you want ‘more’ add in those chicken fillets and see how you go.
Being slim does not automatically make you happy.
Do you know unhappy slim people? YES
Do you know happy slim people? YES
Do you know unhappy fat people? YES
Do you know happy fat people? YES
I always though if I was slim and 116lbs/ 55kg then I’d be attractive and my life (and success) would start. Since I never got to that weight I was never happy and felt like my life hadn’t started and was always on hold or in limbo. I’m sharing this to let you know that its not just you.
The great news is that you’re only 23! I had my epiphany at 33 so you have a full decade on me to get your life going right now rather than waiting. You are not alone and you are not the only person to think this way. Here are a few suggestions to get your started that I felt really helped me break through the doubt and unhappiness to become self confident.
Work on stopping the negative self talk.
Live by the rule: If you wouldn’t say it to someones face then don’t say it to yourself. I know this will take time and when the negative mind chatter creeps into your head simply say “stop” and change to a different thought. Sometimes you won’t even know the mind chatter going but when you do immediately turn it off. I still find it happening and when I notice it I stop myself. Its a conscious decision.
Start referring to yourself in a positive way
I used to speak badly about myself in front of other people saying things like I”m so fat, stupid, dumb, ugly or whatever. No one wants to hear it especially if they like you. I made a decision to start saying good things out loud to others about myself and it worked. I suggest giving it a try at least for a week and see if it lifts your mood and positivity.
What are your goals?
You thought losing 25 lbs would make you happy and quitting your job but it didn’t. Maybe your weight and job isn’t the problem? You need to spend some time figuring a few things out so you can get yourself on the right path. Ask yourself what you love doing, what you want out of life, where you want to be in five years. Get out your notebook and make a little plan. Someone once told me to act like the person you want to be. If you want something in your life to change you have to make changes. Try things until they work for you and you find your niche, tribe and place.
I’ve never met anyone who hasn’t gone though this and you might want to speak to a counselor to set you in the right direction :)
I love being a regular Spicy Girl Talk panelist on Go Curvy so jumped at the offer to get some new head shots, meet some viewers and hang out with the Go Curvy team on a Saturday afternoon in Hollywood.
The ad said “come camera ready” so I did my regular light makeup and wore my new favorite dress from Torrid. This is the same one I debuted it at the Curve Nation Plus size Expo in Orlando recently.
When I arrived at Hollywood Dance Center there were two makeup artists ready to do touch-ups. The last time I had my makeup professionally done was for my sister’s wedding 7 years ago so I was really excited. Here are the behind the scenes pics of the Go Curvy headshot photo shoot.
My artist was fantastic. She did some contouring, colored my cheeks in a way I’d never done before and I absolutely adored the pink lipstick she chose. I also got fake lashes which I love but am always too afraid to apply on my own. I felt fantastic! This is why I recommend getting a professional photo shoot done every few years as a personal gift to yourself. This pic is me and Tim who is part of the regular Go Curvy crew. He was such a great photographer on the day. Thanks Tim!
Sherry Lee gave me some great tips on head placement and how to stand in front of the camera. This is my trying to do the Tyra Banks”smize.” Yeah, it just made me look a bit grumpy so I guess I’m not a ‘smizer’ quite yet. Meantime, checkout Sherry Lee! We are like fire and ice.
We weren’t shown the final product on the day so I couldn’t resist taking a few selfies on my iPhone. The one on the left has an Instagram filter on it which I quite like and the one on the right is a no filter pic but looks good because its next to a window with natural lighting. I’m pretty happy with these two as I held the camera up higher (my favorite angle.)
The official Go Curvy Headshot
You can see how this final headshot has the glossy Hollywood look and a much warmer feel than the iPhone selfies. Its something I don’t think you can achieve without a proper studio session. I had such a fantastic Saturday afternoon with the Go Curvy team. Thanks for the wonderful makeup session too. Check out the full segment on www.gocurvy.com
Disclosure: This post is sponsored byAutograph Fashion.My love of plus size tunics however, is sponsored by my height and innate bargain shopper instinct. I’m able to wear tunics as a dress or over leggings. Win, win! All opinions are my own.
In the land of Oz the winter sales have already started and gorgeous spring clothing drops are coming in. Hooray! I’m super excited and am already eyeing off my fav plus size fashion items for spring.
As a 5″3 plus size pear shape woman, I’m short enough to wear tunics as either a stand alone dress or team them with leggings. Sometimes I even wear a plain black stretchy short skirt underneath the tunic to give it the appearance of extra length and wear it as a dress. I like to get a bang for my buck and with tunics as I usually get two looks for the price of one and can accessorize to wear them across seasons. Here is new plus size tunic selection from Autograph Fashion. I can’t wait to hear what you think and how you choose style your looks to get the most out of them.
Available in sizes 14-26 and in Green Emerald or black. This is a great example of a fabulous looking outfit for work and also wearable to after dinner drinks. I am in love with the luscious color and the hi-low hemline (shorter at the front and longer at the back.) Since this is available in solid colors, I can easily see this being a staple wardrobe item that will easily work with leggings, boots and be styled up or down with the right accessories.
STYLING SUGGESTIONS WITH THIS TUNIC
Silver Spray Ponte Legging, short zip heel boot, triple stone black pendant.
This Floral print super cute tunic comes in sizes 14-26 and lends well to a beautiful feminine look with a though of ‘don’t mess with me’ strength. You can dress this tunic up or down and team with leggings or pants. Again, depending on your height and if you like adding a short skirt underneath if you need extra length this could be a dress as well. I quite like the stretch lining for a comfortable fit and elasticated inserts in the front and back which offers shape.
STYLING SUGGESTIONS WITH THIS TUNIC
3/4 supersoft ribbed cardigan, charm pendant necklace
This tunic has stretch cami lining which I love! The chiffon overlay has black side inserts and black trim around the neckline. Its nice and light which makes it a great travel item that won’t crush and will always stay bright. If you want to take this look from day to night just switch out leggings and team with pants. The notch detail aka keyhole cut out in the back neckline gives a chic look especially if you wear your hair up in the evening. For me this tunic has everything I’m loving at the moment; great color, floral, travels well cute back cutout and I’ll be testing to see if I can wear it as a stand alone dress too! Seriously how awesome are tunics!
STYLING SUGGESTIONS WITH THIS TUNIC
Add a 3/4 longline blazer to take this look from day to night and wear across seasons. Bling it up with bracelets.
I’ll admit sometimes I wear clothes and don’t always know the correct fashion terminology. I promise I do watch Project Runway and try to learn as much as I can. I’m a big fan of the overlay sleeveless tunic and but never actually knew this style with the inverted triangle down the front was called ‘overlay.’ It makes so much sense! I style my overlay tunics (see I used the correct words) with a big elastic belt between the two layers and forgo a necklace. You could do that with this tunic or dress it up with accessories to go from office to after work. I can see this tunic teamed up with leggings for the day and sexy heeled boots for evening. It is totally versatile as you can add color to your accessories and makeup to keep this look fresh every time.
STYLING SUGGESTIONS WITH THIS TUNIC
There’s always a way to add the season’s colour to a black and white look! Check out this oval circle pendant and wire bracelets.
Click to view the full plus size tunicrange at Autograph Fashion and if you get any of these be sure to send me a photo of you wearing it and I’ll post it!
I went to Curve Nations plus size expo in Orlando to host the Sex and Dating workshop. My focus was to deliver a funny and informative workshop answering questions and busting plus size myths. I didn’t expect to meet so many awesome people at the event who would become so influential in such a short time. Here’s who I met.
If you’ve heard of FFFWeek aka Full Figured Fashion Week then you’ll know its founder Gwen Devoe. She is a plus size industry trailblazer and if it wasn’t for her kicking down doors and creating and industry out of thin air a lot of us bloggers wouldn’t exist. Thank you Gwen for making this possible for those of us who follow you.
Gwen’s next venture is as a talk show host of Mogul Moments produced under Devoe Signature Events so I’ll make sure to keep you updated so you don’t miss it.
Gwen’s branding presentation was raw and from the heart. I highly respect how she manages her strong personality and business relationships. As someone who has similar traits I know how difficult it can be to manage at times. I loved how Gwen admits her mistakes, reveals lessons learned, leads by example, accepts praise and owns her achievements but can also make fun of herself. This is the type of person I strive to be. I’d only known Gwen’s online persona so spending time with a true mogul diva and creative entrepreneur was something I’m grateful for and hope will happen again.
PS how fantastic is Gwen’s beautiful hand painted number. She is so regal and one thing she shared was to always be ‘front row ready.’ I’ll remember that! It was a pleasure meeting Gwen Devoe.
Here’s the thing about Rosie Mercado, she has amazing teeth! I’m sure men would be staring at her boobs or bum, however, I had serious teeth envy. You probably want to know: Is she really nice? Yes, she is as lovely in real life as she is on Curvy Girls (you can watch it on Hulu.) In fact, Rosie was also very candid during her presentation and gave advice to a lot of the aspiring models in the room. As event host she did a fab job at the runway show and at the after party had some great dating stories!
Quite a few pics of Tiffany have been featured as inspiration on Big Curvy Love over the years and as soon as I saw her I said “wow I’ve posted a lot of your model photos!’ She was really friendly, beautiful, funny, fierce and has a great look. If you’ve seen pics of Tiffany posted in different places you might not know she’s the editor of Pose Magazine which was the media sponsor of the expo. Here’s where you can read Pose Mag! It’s a really wonderful plus size resource, inspiration and a platform for plus size women.
The CEO and Founder of Club Curve Nationand the man behind this event. Devine even volunteered to be one of my 50 Fat Dates. Um, not sure what Kimberly would say about that lol! Thanks to Devine for the opportunity to speak at The Curve Nation plus size expo! I had such a fantastic time. If you’re in Orlando you should check out the Club Curve Nation club night.
Devine’s beautiful wife Kimberly AKA ‘Curvy Doll’ is super cute. She’s the Executive Director of Marketing, PR & Special Events at Curve Nation and did such a great job in looking after me and keeping everything running smoothly. She even walked on the catwalk at the Saturday night fashion show strutting her stuff. Thanks Kimberly.
KIM & KIRBY
Event sponsor M3K Beauty is Australian and I loved hanging out with mother and son duo Kim and Kirby. I’d previously met Kim on the set of Go Curvywhen she was showcasing her fabulous natural products that has been in the Oscar, Grammy and CMA gift bags. That’s right M3K Beauty is the official skin care of the Oscars! WOW I promised Kim that I won’t sleep in my makeup anymore and will instead use the M3K makeup remover/toner before bed when I brush my teeth. I want Oscar and Grammy worthy skin so I’ll be doing it for sure.
It was great to get my Aussie fix. We are all nosy buggers so now I’m now caught up on their entire life story we’re pretty much family. If you’re heading to Vegas anytime soon make sure to look up Kirby I’m sure he’ll be offering his shirtless talents to bachelorette parties and ladies’ nights. Who knows maybe we’ll open an Aussie themed bar in Vegas. In the meantime you can get your natural M3K Beauty products here and support this fantastic family owned business that supports the plus size community.
I’ve been trying to incorporate a lot more color into my wardrobe, however, I still ended up with mainly black and white outfits. My handbag is turquoise though!
This is a $13 dress from Ross size 20W (Enfocus Women). I like to be comfy on flights so its nice and stretchy an I wore it over capri leggings with a pair of flip flaps so its easy to take shoes on and off at the airport.
I Love this dress. I’m wearing a size 3 from Torrid. The stripes give it a nautical look without overkill and its really comfortable. This is a quick hotel mirror selfie before I hit the expo hall and the opening address by Rosie Mercado.
This is another fave and since I’m a plus size pear shape I had to get a size 4 so it wasn’t too tight over my stomach. This means it’s a little to big in the bust. In hindsight the fabric will stretch so I probably should have gone with a size 3. I actually think this dress looks way better in person than in this picture. The color is amazing. I wore this one to the Rosie Mercado and Gwen DeVoe workshops and felt nice and bright.
SEX & DATING WORKSHOP
I wanted to look chic for my presentation but also have the ability to move around easily while I spoke and interacted with the audience. I chose this one from Torrid in size 24 and ditched the red belt that came with the outfit and opted for all black. If you’re going to wear this you’ll need a strapless bra and I suggest going without a necklace so you can showcase the sheer panel.
FASHION SHOW AFTER PARTY
This was a bargain from my local Ross store for $18, The brand is Enfocus Women and this one is a size 18. I’m not a fan of those mullet dresses (the back is longer than the front) but this one is pretty cool and barely noticeable plus I like the chiffon fabric on the skirt. I would have liked it a little longer in the front but for the price was happy. I pulled the top down to maintain the full length but the top looked better and felt more comfortable when it sat underneath my bust.
I’m not a plus size model but had a chance to walk the runway and do a pose once the show was over. It was pretty fun but tricky to do the turns (even in flats) you can see the dress it up under the bust in that pic and looks better. The shoes are also from Ross (Madeline Stuart) and were $13 its an easy way to add a bit of glam and still be comfy!