Date # 2 Tinder – 50 Fat Dates

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50 fat dates50 Fat Dates follows my quest to find Big Curvy Love (girlfriend’s in her thirties and looking for a man…don’t judge.)  I’ve challenged myself to go on 50 dates over the course of  one year and share my dating stories, plus size dating tips and lessons learned. If this is your first visit make sure to catch up!~Kelly

50 Fat Dates TinderI found date #2 on Tinder. Even though its been dubbed as a hook-up site I have a friend who met her boyfriend there so I thought I’d give it a try especially since I want to test out a cross section of ways to date.

Scott is 35, tall, a bigger guy and has a full black beard. Even though I’m plus size, all of my boyfriends have been either slimmer than me or  muscular so dating a plus size man is actually new. The issue of my size hadn’t been raised so far on 50 Fat Dates and at 35 years old I’m way too old to play games with men so I clearly state in my profiles that I’m a “body positive plus size woman.” I also show a current full body photo to save us both time.

Based on Scott’s photos I wouldn’t describe him as ‘sexy’ but he seemed nice and had a rugged charm. I’ll admit I did wonder if he looked better in person. Having worked in media and entertainment for more than a decade I’ve met men with movie star good looks (including actual movie stars) who had the personality of a door knob.  I knew if Scott was able to ‘bring it’ and we had chemistry then his looks would grow on me. I really liked what he wrote on his profile:

“All around awesome guy. I also like bacon, warm hugs, hefwelzen, and Netfilx Marathons (especially House of Cards.)

Fantastic! I thought he sounded like a genuine guy but did a quick  Google of ‘hefwelzen’ just to make sure it wasn’t some freaky German sex fetish featuring heifers (that I would end up being the heifer.) It turns out   ‘hefwelzen’  is a German beer so I was happy to move forward with the Tinder date. There was a bit of back-and-forth on the chat app but I personally like in-person interaction and didn’t fancy being catfished so we set up a Sunday date.

I chose the place (a cafe) and he chose the time (9am.) I thought it was slightly weird to arrange such an early Sunday date but since he works at a middle school I figured he was an early riser and liked to get stuff done (could be a good trait.) Scott was already sipping a coffee when I arrived at 8.55 (not only early but on time.)  The initial greeting was really awkward on his part and I suspected it was more than just first date nerves so I went to buy myself a coffee (note not offer to buy me a coffee.)

It was obvious I was going to be leading the entire conversation on this date and getting him to speak was like pulling teeth. To add to this Scott was a mumbler.  I really had to listen hard and try to lip read though his bushy beard in order to try and figure out the little he was saying.  A 35 year old man who can’t hold a conversation? WTF!? There was no doubt in my mind that he was a nice guy but there was no way this was going to be a match and I wanted the date to be over as quickly as possible. Honestly, it felt like a community service appointment for dating practice with a guy who had serious social problems. I never understood why people needed practice dates and now I do.

This was the first Tinder date for both of us and I quickly realized the benefit of the ‘back-and-forth’ chat prior to deciding to go on an in-person date. If I had bothered to ask more questions  beforehand I would have known he still lives with his Mother.  I may have also known he plays Quidditch (yes, from Harry Potter) and takes Bartisu, the martial art of gentleman’s fighting and self defense. Apparently it’s from the Sherlock Holmes movie where you fight with walking canes just like the 1800s. Trust me when I tell you this makes him seem much more interesting than he actually is. I’d rather date Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory.

Scott mentioned he had applied for a summer job which I thought sounded like a great opportunity for him until he said it was as a dishwasher. I needed a break from leading the conversation as it felt like a hugely uncomfortable charity interview for someone you knew was never going to get the job. I decided to stop asking the questions to see what would happen and there  we both were sitting in an awkward silence. He knew it, I knew it and the lady at the table next to us who was listening in knew it. She looked at me and shrugged. Then Scott shrugged, apologized and said “sorry, I don’t talk much. I’m a home body.” OMG when was this going to be over? I needed to put myself, Scott and the lady at the table next to us all out of this first date misery.

My share of community service for the week was over and after 40 minutes I tried to end the date but he just wasn’t getting  the hint. Maybe he really did have social issues? In which case I feel bad for him. In the end I said, “do you want me to walk you to your car?” I shook his hand and said “nice meeting you” and he left.

I don’t think this disaster of a date is a Tinder issue as much as is it my needing to find out more about guys before an in-person date. I don’t blame Scott I blame myself. In saying that, even online wouldn’t have highlighted this guy’s inability to hold a conversation so maybe an additional phone call is required beforehand? This whole online dating thing is a huge learning curve for me.  Hopefully this experience has helped Scott with his future dates. It’s certainly taught me a few things and for that I am grateful.

WHAT I WORE ON DATE#2:  Skirt & Shrug: Autograph Fashion Tank Top: Target Thongs/ flip flops: Haviana Sunglasses: Cancer Council

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of my 50 Fat Dates suitors.

 

 

Kelly Glover is an Australian living in Los Angeles and created this plus size fashion blog as a place for curvy women to get info and advice on plus size dating, celebrity and fitness. contact@bigcurvylove.com
  1. Thumbs up to you! Good lesson learnt on date 2 – ask more questions online.

  2. Reply

    One thing I used to put in my profile was that I loved engaging conversation. I tried to find sort of light-hearted way to say I love to talk to people that can hold their own face-to-face and can keep up their side of a conversation. Most of the time if you explain that from the get-go in your profile or poke at it a bit in the back and forth before you meet you can get a good sense if people are capable of that and also they start to self select and take themselves out of the game if they know that is not their strong suit.

  3. Reply

    Love reading these posts. I can’t tell you how many losers I went out with before I met my husband (online) and our first date didn’t even go that well. I applaud you for not focusing solely on “looks” but realize that love can grow from other things as well. Knowing you personally, you have a very outgoing, fun personality. That might scare weaker men off. Probably a good thing. FYI… I emailed my husband for almost a month before we talked on the phone, and then we talked for a few weeks before we even met. Sometimes things just take time.

    • Ellen Wild
    • June 1, 2014
    Reply

    OMG– I am in love with your blog, 50 fat dates is an incredible and bold idea. Wish I had the guts to do it, that’s 25 times more dates than I’ve ever had.

    I’m not saying that 35 is old or anything, but I’m 21 and dating is still really hard.

    Love this– can’t wait til a successful date!!

  4. Reply

    I love your blog sooooo much :) I have been on a date with a guy like this and it was awful! I have recently re joined the online dating world and am waiting for my date no.2! :)

  5. Reply

    Wow, this guy should look to joining a dating site for people who enjoy the same things. They’re very specific, so he could find his soulmate on one of those sites.

    It sucks it wasn’t a good date, but hey, dating is like that.

    • Kelly
    • June 1, 2014
    Reply

    You’ve really highlighted the reasons why I prefer online dating – you can get to know a person and find out if they’re interesting and compatible with you before you waste time on an awkward first date. Plus, as a fat woman the opportunity to let men get to know my personality before they judge my appearance makes a big difference.

    • Licht
    • June 4, 2014
    Reply

    As you pointed out, asking more questions online probably wouldn’t have highlighted the issues you had in person with him. Even those facts (Quidditch/living with his mom) probably wouldn’t have come up – voluntarily, I might add.

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