Date #18: Mr. Beverly Hills

50-fat-dates

I’ve never gone for a drink with someone who asked me out from a moving vehicle (hello stranger danger) but since I haven’t been on a date in months I felt like I owed you a solid 50 Fat Dates story.

LA Podfest had ended and I was feeling cheerful after a fantastic happy hour in Beverly Hills. As I walked to my car in the Beverly Center parking lot, a shiny black SUV rolled up beside me and a sexy man said “hi.” I live in LA, have  booty for days so this happens a lot. As usual I said hi back and smiled thinking that would be the end of it and he would roll on by. Wrong. He kept driving slowly and chit-chatted with me while I walked and asked me out for a drink. I was tired after a days work, still jet lagged, and wearing a branded bright pink t-shirt and black skirt from Target with flats and my hair in a pony tail. I wasn’t feeling my best. He on the other hand looked like the pic above.

In my whole life I’ve never accepted a drive by date but this time said yes. He parked and we walked back to the Sofitel where I knew the conference was still happening (safety first.)

As he ordered a Long Island Ice Tea for himself and a Moscow Mule for me he pulled out a wad of hundreds from his pocket baller style. “Oh God, he’s a drug dealer” I thought. I’m living Breaking Bad but this guy has style and a watch worth more than a years rent.

He mentioned he lives between NYC and Atlanta and travels a lot for work. I wondered if ‘travels a lot for work’ was code for having a girl at every city.  I mean he picked me up from a parking lot and was obviously looking for a one night stand. However, in my defense, the last guy who chased me out of a Hollywood bar ended up as my boyfriend of 3 years.

The conversation over drinks was interesting and I really liked him a lot. He was sexy, charismatic, well spoken, well traveled, funny and just a amazing person.  At 38 with no kids and not married he was a freaking unicorn!  He was the whole package. I did wonder about his package but was still skeptical.

Just like the shiny black SUV, the offers started rolling in as he got closer on the couch. He wanted to fly me to NYC next weekend and take me shopping. Did he somehow think I was a hooker with a heart of gold a la Pretty Woman? If he thought he was taking me to some high-end 5th Avenue store for a shopping spree movie montage then I’d need to shatter that dream quick with a dose of Layne Bryant, Torrid, or City Chic.

Then he mentioned ‘taking care’ of my LA rent. Was this a sugar daddy arrangement?  The offer might have been creepy but he wasn’t. I felt like I was in 50 Shades of Grey without the red room. Oh God. Let me be the fat Anastasia and him the black Christian Grey. What exactly was he offering? What did he want me to do? This is a lot of game if all he wants is a one night stand.

We finished our drinks and he invited me to watch his cousin in a stand up show but I declined. He walked me back to my car and tried to kiss me but I pulled away.  He gave me his number and I drove back to Hollywood. As soon as I was in my apartment I did what any conscientious dater would do and Googled the crap out of him.  Harvard Business School, CFO of multi-million dollar company. He’s s 55 not 38 (Okay I can deal with that).  Then I saw it in one of his bios “X is married to X, his wife of nearly 30 years, and has three children.” 

I immediately though, “Maybe they are divorced, maybe he’s widowed” before snapping out of it and knowing he’s just a liar looking for a one night stand.  I texted him and instead of arranging breakfast passed along my regards to his wife and 3 kids.  Yup, no response there (shocker).

There was something absolutely charming and magnetic about this man. If he actually was who he presented himself as he would be the love of my life. Unfortunately, it’s all ballers, SUVs, and cocktails. Looks like 50 Fat Dates won’t be retiring just yet.

Date #17 The Plumber

50 Fat Dates: The Plumber

I always say you have to ‘get out there’ because a man isn’t going to come knocking at your door. Well, I may have to eat my words on that because today a man literally knocked on my door! I just arrived back in LA after spending a month in Australia and things weren’t going well. Virgin Australia wasn’t letting me on my flight, when I finally got to LA my car wouldn’t start, then my toilet started gurgling stinky swamp water. I was waiting at the bus stop to go to Pep Boys to pick up my car when the plumber called saying he was on his way.

Turns out Eduardo the plumber was friendly and worked well with a hose (yeah I went there LOL.) The swampy toilet water issue was bigger than expected and he worked on it for more than two hours. He was all sweaty and all I could offer him was an Angry Orchid apple cider. Since i’d been out of the country for a month I had no food and I couldn’t offer him tap water considering the potential swamp factor. He finally finished up and offered me a ride to Hollywood & Vine as it was on the way to his next job. His van smelled like a the aftershave section in the department store. So nice!

We chatted for a while and it turns out Eduardo is a budding real estate mogul. He owns a house in Culver City and is looking to buy an apartment block next year. Good for him! I love a man with entrepreneurial spirit and an early eye on retirement and wealth building.

Eduardo had told me about his mechanic Oscar, so I gave him my card to contact me with Oscars details and said I’d send him some great real estate podcasts to listen to. I hadn’t even arrived home when I got a call and a voice mail from him.

Who says you can’t have a date literally show up at your door? What a great welcome back to LA.

 

50 Fat Dates Recap 

My Outfit: Dress via Gwynnie Bee

His Outfit: Dark blue plumber uniform.

Meeting Place:  My Hollywood apartment

Beverages: Angry Orchid apple cider from my fridge.

The Conversation: Toilets, pipes, tree roots, swamp smell, real estate and fixing cars.

The date lasted: 2.5 hours

The date ended: When he dropped me off at Pep Boys.

Second Date? He called and left a voicemail. I need to call him back.

Date #16 The Accidental Date

I’m finally biting the bullet and preparing to start shooting 50 Fat Dates videos so set up a meeting with a college alum to get his advice. We met a few years ago when he reached out to me as a new arrival in LA. We have a similar frame of reference as we have a college professor in common and did the same degree program. He’s gone on to be an editor and I went on to be a radio announcer turned blogger.

We met in Santa Monica after work on a Thursday evening and chatted about the 50 Fat Dates project. As far as I knew he had a super long term girlfriend so I didn’t think of this being anything other than a friendly business meeting. I have him an overview and update on what I was doing, how the dates had gone so far and admitted that I really needed to be more proactive in setting up at least one date a week if not more. While I love the project I sometimes get bogged down in all the online dating site in-box messaging and all that goes with it.

He countered with “Well, this is a date, isn’t it?”

I wasn’t expecting that response and said, “I thought you and a girlfriend/ fiance situation?”

Damn it! I’m not the think-before-you-speak kind of person. He laughed and said they had broken up a while ago, “I’m single.Very single!”

I needed a moment  to reconcile A) What I thought about him as a date B) What I’d already said in my ‘he’s already taken so it doesn’t matter what I say’ mindset.

This was starting to feel like a hangover where you have flashes of what you’ve said and done the night before and start to piece the story together. Oh no! I’d already invited myself to go with him to his weekly trivia night. I’d talked about marriage, kids, my ‘running out of time’ fear, ex-boyfriends and sex stuff! We’d talked about Dan Savage’s Lovecast (hence the sex stuff), The weird fetish FeetGuy message I got on OKCupid, and the fact that he likes Project Runway!

Ooh Project Runway. Maybe this could go somewhere. I’d always thought he was attractive! He is a big guy and looks like he could fit in as one of the Chubstr beard guys. He has bright blue eyes, is tall so I feel really safe with him. I liked that he was from the midwest. We had both gone to the same college and he is an uncle.

If we went out again would that be the first date? Oh, that’s right he said this was the first date.  Oh God, if this was a date how many dates had I been on in my life and not known it? I seriously needed to sit down with a notebook and have a rethink of my dating life.

We finished up the night with a hug and I said “So you really want to be on of my 50 Fat Dates?” He replied “Sure, but you can’t film it! I like to be on the other side of the camera.”

What will happen next? Not sure! I’ll tell you after I go to trivia night.

50 Fat Dates Recap 

My Outfit: Dress via Gwynnie Bee

His Outfit: Jeans and T shirt.

Meeting Place: Santa Monica

Beverages: Pints of beer

The Conversation: College, work, his ex, Project Runway, 50 Fat Dates, is this a date?

The date lasted: 2+ hours

The date ended: He walked me to my car.

Second Date? I hope so!

Date #15 The Momma’s Boy

I was a guest at a plus size fashion show when I noticed a sexy guy on the other side of the catwalk. He flashed me a sparkling smile and I got a glimpse of his grill. The shiny mouth bling was like a beacon of light and before I knew it my big bum lifted itself from the chair and walked itself over to him.

“Is that a grill? I’ve never seen one in real life! Can I have a closer look!” What can I say? The only grills we have in Australia involve barbecues and I wanted to find out what it’s all about. We chit-chatted for a while and I found out he’s an ex-airforce guy and former bodyguard trying to make it in LA.  Thanks to being a teen in the ’90s and Whitney Houston I’ve always had  a fantasy of dating a bodyguard.  I’ll admit that in my magical mind he doesn’t look like Kevin Costner. He looks like this big 6″4′ guy with a cute dimples.

He was with a girl but they didn’t appear to be together, in fact, during the conversation he made it a point to say that they were merely friends and he was accompanying her as she was interested in becoming a plus size model.  Okay, I was fine with that and happily chatted to the both of them for 20 minutes. We exchanged numbers and I was so ready for this date.

Big Boy and I met at a bar close to my house.  He bought me a drink we chatted a while before driving to another bar to watch a live show. I bought a round of drinks and was loving the show but I could tell it wasn’t his thing and asked if he wasted to leave and he said yes. I was disappointed but I guess it was akin to going to a movie and not speaking to the person you are on the date with so thought it was fair enough. As he dropped me home at my place in Hollywood  he mentioned that it was late and he had to get home to his Mom. Yes that’s right this Big Boy who used to protect lives with his Momma! That’s why he was edgy, not because he was bored by the show.

As I stood on the curb he told me he is a self-proclaimed 35-year-old momma’s boy and lifted his sleeve to give me  closer look at his tattoo. It was a heart with the words Momma’s boy inked across it. He revealed that had been on a talk show talking about it and texted me a link and said I should watch it.

I played the YouTube video the second I got back in my apartment and saw him on talking to the talk show host about the relationship he had with his Mom. He talked about how he tells her all his dating stories, goes on trips with her, shopping, and go out on mother and son spa days. He says if he isn’t with his Mom then they are communication via text or Facebook. The show stopper  was where his mom says she does a pre-screen on all his dates and decides if someone is ‘wife material or just dating material.’ Big Boy talks about his Mom’s  “whackdar” and says “If my Mom does not approve of a girl then I’m done. She has got to go!”

I sat there in shock. What had just happened and what had I gotten myself into. I felt like I had been on a date with one person and then this video revealed the truth. He obviously wanted me to watch the it to reveal what he couldn’t say in person. Maybe he found it easier and had had bad dating experiences with past dates getting the Momma seal of approval.

Assuming I passed the initial “whackdar” test knew that there would always be a third wheel in the relationship and that I would always be trumped by Momma.

A minute later he send me a text “I’m home” with a selfie of himself in the bathroom. No doubt he was an extremely sexy man and I really did want my bodyguard fantasy. I had a moment of wondering what was underneath the towel when I was snapped back to reality. There it was, behind the Terry Crews body I  could see Momma’s frilly floral shower curtain in the background!

The decision was made. Let me make this easy for you Big Boy I’m taking myself out of the equation. Enjoy your next mother and son spa day! I’m sure there will be many many more to come.

Date #14 Stalker or Sweetie?

As an active online dater I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later. Before I tell you what happened on my 50 Fat Dates quest I need to get you up to speed on a few details.

The Backstory

I work in Beverly Hills and get my coffee from the same cafe every day. It’s my work day ritual and a little bit like Cheers without the beers. You know, the baristas at the cafe know my name and as soon as they see me walk through the door they start making my coffee. It’s pretty awesome. For the record I like a large hot mocha. Kinda like my ex-boyfriend.

There was a week where I worked from my boss’s penthouse and got my mocha from the cafe’s sister store on Fairfax. When returned to my regular Beverly Hills cafe one of the baristas said I had been spotted at Larchmont. I’ve never been there! I confessed that I had been to the Fairfax store but not Larchmont.  I thought it was a simple case of mistaken identity and went about my regular work day. When I get home I get this message on OKCupid.

Plus Size dating

OMG the message is the guy from the Fairfax store! He had obviously told the Beverly Hills staff he met me (hence them questioning me about going to another store.) I didn’t think it was a big deal at all. I’m just a regular customer who happened to go to two different stores. How did this conversation come up between the coffee shop staff? How did the Fairfax guy know I went to Beverly Hills and report on my coffee buying ways? Was it a coincidence that the Beverly Hills store called me out then the barista found me on OKCupid or was he LOOKING for me? Who was at the Larchmont store?

Here’s what I wrote back to the OKCupid inquiry:

50 fat dates

And his non-response:

50 Fat Dates

What do you think? Is he a stalker or a sweetie? I don’t want to end up on a date with the killer and replicate a CSI episode. I’ll admit that I’ve been avoiding going to the Fairfax store since the OKCupid message.

What would you do?

Is he a stalker