Bursting With Love – Reality TV Show

I recently saw the casting notice for Bursting With Love. Its a reality TV show based around the oh so shocking idea that a fit person (they really should say slim) could be attracted to a fat person.

Bursting With Love Reality Show

The ad describes romantic pairing as a ‘physically lop-sided relationship.’ What a ridiculous sentiment that people should only date look exactly the same and  only date their ‘own kind.’  By this rationale we should only date people who are the same height, hair and eye color and ethnicity.

The show pitches itself as being about ‘pride and liberation from societies stereotypes and not mean spirited.’ Lets remember the show title: Bursting with Love of course referring to the larger person in the couple who must be so fat they are bursting! Here are the full details:

Bursting with Love

Why is it so shocking that a fit guy could be attracted to a fat girl or that a fit girl could be attracted to a fat guy? What do you think?

Now Is the Best Time Ever to Date as a Fat Chick

Dating is difficult. I sometimes get caught up in focusing on all the negatives instead of acknowledging the fact that now really is the best time ever to date as a curvy girl.

Fat chicks have been the flavor of the month for a few years especially since the body positive movement has grown and real life content creators have become more accessible through blogging and YouTube. The mainstream media is showcasing celebrities such as Tess Holliday, Rebel Wilson, Gabourey Sidibe, Melissa McCarthy, and Amber Riley on the cover of magazines, in network TV shows, and hosting awards shows. I know a lot of people say we aren’t where we should be but I’m looking at how far we’ve come since I was a kid when my only role model was Roseanne.

More and more we are being shown as successful and desirable. We also have plus size fashion bloggers such as Chastity Garner, Marie Denee, Sarah Rae Vargas, CeCe Olisa, Alison Teng, and Gabi Fresh repressing us everyday women by showing their confident fashion and entrepreneurial business sense. For me this offers a “wow they are so fabulous” mentality and “I can be too.”

I know a lot of people complain about the state of plus size fashion but I truly feel that mindset and comments is such a slap in the face to brands who are offering up great clothes. At size 24 I certainly have more styles to wear now than I did when I was a size 16 in high school. Torrid, City Chic, Mod Cloth, and Gwynnie Bee amongst others just didn’t exist or offer what they do today. What we have on offer is amazing and I’m so happy to have access.

My point is that as a plus size women today we are seen a more positive light than at any other time and have access to current fashion trends in our size. We are also living in a time where online dating is part of everyday life, which affords us on-demand options and be active in our dating pursuits.

Sometimes I have to remind myself of the positives instead of focusing on the negatives and I wanted to share with you too!

P.S  70% of Americans are overweight. If you are in the dating pool then 7 out of 10 people are fat. You are more than likely going to date a fat person. Those people who choose only to date a slim person are limiting themselves to dating 30% of the dating pool. In which case. Good luck!!!

P.P. S As long as you use a legit current photo of yourself you’ll be fine!

Do you agree? Is this the best time in history to be dating as a curvy woman?

7 Online Dating Profile Pics To Avoid

Wonder why you aren’t getting lots of hits in your online dating profile? Maybe you are performing a cardinal sin. If your photo isn’t good it’s a straight up no. When you’re on the plus size online dating scene you need a good photo. Don’t give your potentials a reason to keep scrolling and not clicking! These are the profile pics you don’t want to use!

Thumbnail photo is the first thing we see when judging an online date (duh) it’s what Tinder is wholly based on.

1. Group Pics

Don’t make guys work and guess which one in the group you are or if the guy on your right is your brother or ex-boyfriend! Just show  a pic of you flying solo. If the other person in the photo is better looking than you then that’s a bad start too. If I see a profile with more than one person in it I think “too hard basket” and move on.

2. Family Photos

I’m not gagging to get myself into an Everybody Loves Raymond situation with overbearing parents (and i’m guessing neither are you.) If your profile pic is of you with your Mom and Dad then he’s going to be thinking that you’re still living at home or that your parent’s are making your decision life including who you’re dating. Ditch Mom and Dad and alluding to a mother in law situation. The same goes for your kids. Yes, he’ll need to know upfront that you have kids but putting them front and centre in your profile pic is too much.

4. Too Much Skin

Real talk: A swimsuit photo in the profile shot says you are looking for a fling and not a relationship. Nearly nudie pics will get you a good time but not a long time. You know it, I know it, and the person looking at your profile knows it!

 

5. A Pic Without You In It

Seriously WTF! If you have a profile pic of a cartoon character, landscape, food, pet, baby, then you’ll be missing out on a lot of action. Ask yourself if this was a guys profile would you look at it? If not then change it. Aint’ nobody gonna look at a profile with a Spiderman cartoon as a profile image.

6. Selfies

You think it’s cute and sexy. No one else does. Get a real profile photo. Don’t believe me? Test a month using the selfie (see what caliber of date you get.) Then test with a proper pic. Feel free to comment below with your feedback from this experiment.

7. Disguises

Wearing sunglasses or a hat that covers your face? Looks like you have something to hide! Choosing this profile pic route for online dating suggests you aren’t being upfront from the get-go, there is something wrong with how you look or that you’re sneaky. Forget the the accessories and just show us your pretty face.

Do you agree with my 7 online dating profile pics to avoid? Add your suggestions below in the comments.  

Top 7 Plus Size Online Dating Tips (From a Fat Girl)

I’ve learned a lot in my 50 Fat Dates quest and have a few plus size online dating tips of my own to share. This info will save you time, disappointment and annoyance while you wade through the dating pool. Before you sign up to a stack of plus size online dating sites here are a you things you need to know.

1. Posting a Profile Isn’t Enough

The, “If you build it they will come” mentality may work for baseball ghosts in Field Of Dreams but it won’t work in the plus size online dating world! You actually have to participate in order to get the IRL (in real life) dates. Once you upload your awesome profile pic and well crafted text, you’ll need check in on a regular basis and search for matches, send messages, respond to inbox messages, and organize to meet up with your dates in persona.

I know it kinda sucks and I really do wish the love at my life will show up at my doorstep but unless it’s the mailman (who in my case is actually a married woman with kids) then it’s not likely so I’ll just have to continue putting in the time and effort! Yes, Plus size online dating is a hard slog but trust me when I say I’ve done the ‘set and forget approach’ and it’s yet to work. All that happens is I get forgotten in favor of someone else who is bothering to put in the work. We all want to post our profile and have exactly the right person contact us and not have to wade through the wankers in order to find our Mr. Right. But it’s just not that easy. It takes effort but is totally worth it in the end. .

2. Prepare Yourself to Be a Player

Even though online dating is instant in many ways, it also takes a while with the time lag that often happens. You send a wink to someone and eagerly await their response. They wink back then you start to message. Instead of this being minutes or even hours in response time it could be days, depending on the commitment of the guys on the dating sites.

Online dating takes time (blerg annoying) so if you’re a one-man-at-a-time type of woman you’re in for a shocker. You’re going to have to learn to play the field for a while. Yes, girl i’m talking multiple dates with multiple men. If you’re planning on sending a message to one guy you like and waiting for him to get back to you before messaging another guy you could be waiting…and waiting…and waiting. You need to cast a wide net in your plus size online dating adventure and initiate contact with multiple suitors and mentally prepare yourself for multiple dates. I say the mentally prepare yourself part because once you start getting dates set up it can really get busy (and exhausting.) BTW just because you’re officially a plus size player doesn’t mean you’re ‘easy’ (we all know about the easy fat girl myth.) It just means you’ve got a lot to do in a little time. Get your dating average up and don’t declare exclusivity by changing your Facebook profile too soon.

3. Keep Emotions Out of it Until You Meet

This one is easy to say and hard to do. Sure, you can get caught up in plus size online dating email romance before meeting your date in person. You’re at home thinking, “OMG I just know he is the one” while updating your secret Pinterest wedding board but remember to take a second and remember this is how people end up catfished! Hold back those emotions until you’ve met face-to face. I’ve been on a few dates where I thought the guy was going to be awesome and he was NOTHING like he presented online or in his pre-date texts. You really need the in-person initial gut feeling meeting otherwise you’ll be getting all excited for nothing.

4. Who Wears the Pants in Online Dating?

I may not walk up to a guy in a bar and ask him out but I’ll certainly be happy to send a message or a wink online. Gender roles in the real world have changed but still exist but in the plus size online dating world where things are more equal. Online dating gives both sexes power to approach, interact, accept and deny. It’s not always the man that does the asking on these sites so when it comes to online dating tips for plus size women I say take advantage of the platform. The online dynamic is just a springboard for what is to come when meeting up in real life. Take advantage of this wild west in dating and put it out there and see what interest you get back. It’s just a few clicks out of your day.

5. People Lie and You’ll Have to Deal With It.

Height, income, and weight are the most common areas that people lie about when it comes to plus size online dating profiles (any any other dating profiles.) You’ll be able to figure out two of them as soon as you meet but you should try to do it beforehand. The most annoying thing is scheduling a date, getting dressed up, putting on makeup, driving to a date with expectations and then and 5 minutes in wondering what the polite amount of time is before you can leave and never see this person again.  I’m all about gut feeling and good conversation but you should know that even with your pre-date questions and a bit of research you will still be lied to at some stage. It’s not just you (it’s everyone.) If I have a bad date I always make use of my outfit, hair, makeup and go do something a bit fun.

6. Don’t Give Him Enough to Google

Don’t give out any specifics on your work place so some smarty pants can figure out who you are and Google you. Just don’t give out major identifying information for a while. Share yourself and your story but do everything on your terms. Of course I’d always suggest to Google him.

7. Stranger Danger

I watch way too many CSI shows to meet anywhere other than a public place, with my cell phone, and a friend knowing where I am. Yes, I will go to the bathroom and text my friend I am okay. You should too.

What are your plus size online dating tips? Share in the comments below! 

My Response to Fat Girl Tinder Date Video

I’m fat, I date, and I’ve never had anyone walk out on a Tinder date with me!

Here’s the ‘Fat Girl Tinder Date’ video by male dating site Simple Pickup that has gone viral. The scenario is “what happens when someone’s Tinder photos don’t match them in person?”

A women has bikini pics posted on Tinder then shows up on a fat suit. Add in a hidden camera and you have a viral vid on your prosthetic chubby hands.

My Response to ‘Fat Girl Tinder Date’ Video

As someone who is a size 22 (without a fat suit) and in the midst of going on 50 Fat Dates over the course of a year (check out the dates so far here) I have been on plenty of dates with guys who are interested in me as a plus size women. When I see this video I am not offended and I don’t believe that it represents me or the men who date me.  I choose men who choose me. When people see this video they look to me expecting a negative angry response but I’m not offended and here’s why:

Firstly, I understand this is a hidden camera ‘social experiment’ video designed to insight a response with a skinny/ fat switcheroo. Basically they want people to say “wow look at how horrible these guys are to a fat girl.” This video doesn’t mean guys don’t (or won’t) date a fat chick but that these particular guys aren’t interested and don’t like being deceived (who the hell does?) Obvious online dating etiquette is that  what you see in profile pics is what you get in real life. Ain’t nobody got time to be fooled.

Make no mistake, Tinder is a looks based hookup app with very little user profile information. I can understand why these guys are angry and annoyed at their interaction when fat suit Sara showed up in place of slim bikini girl Sara as seen in her profile pictures. Tinder isn’t about meeting the love of your life but more about a one night stand. I’ve heard of women do the same thing to men if they show up a foot taller than they stated in their profile so really what’s the difference?

This video is not about how guys treat big girls in the online dating world or proving that guys hate fat chicks, its about how guys treat liars. Some guys are attracted to big girls and some aren’t but you need to be a true representation of yourself and Sara just wasn’t and didn’t own it thinking it was a small deal when in fact it is a big fat deal. This is about attraction and deception.

Sure, the “you must like to eat” comment was a bloody rude but that guy was the only one who stuck through the entire date. The guy leaving to go to the bathroom and not coming back was gutless and a show of his character more than anything else. However, the ones I respect the most are the men who said this isn’t for me and gave feedback that she didn’t look like her picture.

Don’t buy into the message that guys aren’t attracted to fat chicks (some are some aren’t) or that if you go on a date you will be treaded like crap because you are plus size.  Take away from this that guys aren’t attracted to deception and always show who you are right now.

P.S Simple Pickup did the same experiment with a guy in a fat suit and the women were much nicer. Many are saying that this is a comment on the different ways men and women treat each other on a first date. Here’s the video to that one:

Are you offended by this video? What do you think? Leave your comments below and lets get a discussion going with everyone’s point of view!