I’ve never gone for a drink with someone who asked me out from a moving vehicle (hello stranger danger) but since I haven’t been on a date in months I felt like I owed you a solid 50 Fat Dates story.
LA Podfest had ended and I was feeling cheerful after a fantastic happy hour in Beverly Hills. As I walked to my car in the Beverly Center parking lot, a shiny black SUV rolled up beside me and a sexy man said “hi.” I live in LA, have booty for days so this happens a lot. As usual I said hi back and smiled thinking that would be the end of it and he would roll on by. Wrong. He kept driving slowly and chit-chatted with me while I walked and asked me out for a drink. I was tired after a days work, still jet lagged, and wearing a branded bright pink t-shirt and black skirt from Target with flats and my hair in a pony tail. I wasn’t feeling my best. He on the other hand looked like the pic above.
In my whole life I’ve never accepted a drive by date but this time said yes. He parked and we walked back to the Sofitel where I knew the conference was still happening (safety first.)
As he ordered a Long Island Ice Tea for himself and a Moscow Mule for me he pulled out a wad of hundreds from his pocket baller style. “Oh God, he’s a drug dealer” I thought. I’m living Breaking Bad but this guy has style and a watch worth more than a years rent.
He mentioned he lives between NYC and Atlanta and travels a lot for work. I wondered if ‘travels a lot for work’ was code for having a girl at every city. I mean he picked me up from a parking lot and was obviously looking for a one night stand. However, in my defense, the last guy who chased me out of a Hollywood bar ended up as my boyfriend of 3 years.
The conversation over drinks was interesting and I really liked him a lot. He was sexy, charismatic, well spoken, well traveled, funny and just a amazing person. At 38 with no kids and not married he was a freaking unicorn! He was the whole package. I did wonder about his package but was still skeptical.
Just like the shiny black SUV, the offers started rolling in as he got closer on the couch. He wanted to fly me to NYC next weekend and take me shopping. Did he somehow think I was a hooker with a heart of gold a la Pretty Woman? If he thought he was taking me to some high-end 5th Avenue store for a shopping spree movie montage then I’d need to shatter that dream quick with a dose of Layne Bryant, Torrid, or City Chic.
Then he mentioned ‘taking care’ of my LA rent. Was this a sugar daddy arrangement? The offer might have been creepy but he wasn’t. I felt like I was in 50 Shades of Grey without the red room. Oh God. Let me be the fat Anastasia and him the black Christian Grey. What exactly was he offering? What did he want me to do? This is a lot of game if all he wants is a one night stand.
We finished our drinks and he invited me to watch his cousin in a stand up show but I declined. He walked me back to my car and tried to kiss me but I pulled away. He gave me his number and I drove back to Hollywood. As soon as I was in my apartment I did what any conscientious dater would do and Googled the crap out of him. Harvard Business School, CFO of multi-million dollar company. He’s s 55 not 38 (Okay I can deal with that). Then I saw it in one of his bios “X is married to X, his wife of nearly 30 years, and has three children.”
I immediately though, “Maybe they are divorced, maybe he’s widowed” before snapping out of it and knowing he’s just a liar looking for a one night stand. I texted him and instead of arranging breakfast passed along my regards to his wife and 3 kids. Yup, no response there (shocker).
There was something absolutely charming and magnetic about this man. If he actually was who he presented himself as he would be the love of my life. Unfortunately, it’s all ballers, SUVs, and cocktails. Looks like 50 Fat Dates won’t be retiring just yet.